you can "do" better

this letter requires action. Don't read this letter if you will not act on it. #unbrandedletters

Dear You,

I was recently reading Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. It was the book of the month I assigned to my curated community. This was my fourth time reading the book, but something jumped at me for the first time. It was on page 8, Chapter 1. Wait. I need to give you context.

So, Shonda was bragging to her sister Delorse about several invites she had gotten. For even more context, Shonda is the brain behind Grey's Anatomy, How to Get Away with Murder, Scandal, and many other great TV shows that have graced our TV screens. She is the executive producer of Bridgerton and a super screenwriter. She was a big deal. Scratch that. She is a big deal. Anyway, on this beautiful day, she is standing with her sister in the kitchen, talking about conferences, TV shows, awards, parties, and really cool things she was invited to while her elder sister prepares Thanksgiving dinner. And I am sure they are cool things people would give anything to get invited for [because later in the book, she gets to sit with the Obamas. She even gets invited to the Jimmy Kimmel show and gives a commencement speech at Dartmouth University]. My point is, at this time, she's bragging about all the cool things she gets invited to but never goes to, and her sister stops her midway, unimpressed and says, "These events. These parties, conferences, talk shows. Did you say yes to any of them?".

The question shocked her, but the thing that stood out for me was her response. She jumps in and starts to defend herself with super solid excuses. She talks about being a single mother and how busy she is at work. She uses everything and anything to shield herself in defence. She uses her kids, her two jobs, being a mother, compares herself to Beyonce, and literally every excuse in her reality. They all sound like valid excuses, but she stops and tells herself that none of these things actually stopped her from doing what she needed to do. If she wanted to, she could have made time. She couldn't lie to her sister because her family helps her with the load, and she is not a single mother like most people.

As I read pages 6-10. it was interesting to watch her make excuses until she finally admitted the truth to herself. She was afraid, and it wasn't about any of those things. Many of us are like Shonda. I'll tell you how as I share the two things that stood out for me:

1. We usually get a high from talking about an idea rather than actually executing the idea. We feel like we've done something by talking about the concept, but that's pseudo-action. It's not real. Action only happens when you take action not by talking but by actually doing. Some of us get a high from people saying, "That's a brilliant idea", but then two years later, it's still an idea. We need to break free from that. Life is short. You need to go from dreaming to doing. I remember when I decided to start unbranded conversations. It was an idea. I announced it, and over a year later, I didn't lift a finger to do anything. The day I decided to execute, it took making one decision and finding the right people. I was the busiest I had ever been, but I still made time and made it happen. Which leads to the next thing:

2. There'll always be a perfect excuse not to execute or take action. But there'll also be a perfect excuse to take action. Pause and tell yourself the truth. Do you really not have thirty minutes you can set aside for a week to get that thing done? Aren't there days when you scroll endlessly through feeds that do not add value to you? Aren't you the same person who has all the updates on some sweet shows, football matches, people's gist, newest designers, or whatever you actually feel interested in pursuing? So how do you manage to stay updated with all those things, and somehow, you can't seem to make time out to show up for yourself? You can do it if you choose to. I know overthinking can sometimes lead to action paralysis, but challenge yourself to “overdo” more than you “overthink” for the next 90 days. If you like the results better, then you can adopt it as a way of life. I only decided once to stop overthinking and shoot unbranded conversations, and I did. I showed up even when it wasn't perfect and put it out into the world. I have learned from this that if you make a small effort to show up for yourself, people will be willing to show up for you. Sometimes, you won't even have to ask. Tell yourself the truth, and think really deeply about the opportunity cost.

The goals you have set for yourself will not come to fruition by making excuses. The world favours doers. Luck leans more toward doers and people who are visible. So show up for yourself.

Doing is an action word. Not a talking word.

With Love,
Blessing Abeng.

Side bar: Share this with someone who needs to see it. If something is stopping you from executing, you can tell me in the comment section, let's hack at it together. Finally. unbranded conversations are only available on my substack, so if you'd like to watch the first episode, click this link and tell someone about it too 🤍.